At least he's not severely paranoid

From a resume:

"Disabilities: Near-sighted and mildly paranoid"

That makes one of us

"Your craigslist ad excites and interests me!"

Keep studying

"My studies in psychology thus far have taught me to think progressively and logically, and have also given me invaluable analytic writing skills. Knowledge, to me, seems the noblest ambition."

Really?

On somebody's resume for an Internship position under "Objective":

"To obtain a summer internship."

If sentence length was all that mattered, this person would be set

"I am profoundly interested in applying for (redacted)

As a Psychology-Spanish double major and a Neuroscience minor, I possess an acute interest in the internal and external intricacies of relations which is culminated with a passionate desire to embark on a course that encompasses the work of helping improve the lives of those not just at home; but throughout the world."